Introduction

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Today we’re looking at what it means to be a man in our day and age.  So in the interests of fun … I want to begin with my Top 10 advantages of being a man.  Now if you’re worried this might be a little sexist … I’m planning on doing the same next week for women.  So let’s have some fun:

1. People don’t stare at our chest wherever we go

2. We know stuff about tanks

3. If someone at a function is wearing the exact same outfit as us, we become best friends.

4. Grey hairs and wrinkles … are sign of wisdom and character

5. We can watch TV with a mate in silence … without wondering if he’s mad at me.

6. We never have to experience the pain of childbirth

7. No toilet lines at concerts or footy matches

8. Our clothes have pockets

9. When we leave the house, everything we need fits in our pockets.

10. We never have to hold onto it … because the world is our toilet

Now the reason I wanted to start with something fun … is because our topic today is actually really serious.  The reason being that young men today are having real trouble figuring out what it means to be a man.  Now if you’re 45 years old or above … chances are you don’t have this problem.  Gen X, Boomers and Builders seem to have figured out manhood.  But the current consensus is there is a ‘crisis of manhood’ among Gen Y and Gen Z.  And there are MANY reasons for this.  For example:

1. The general breakdown of community in the West … means men have fewer role-models in their lives today.

2. As jobs become more academic … as opposed to physical … women are outshining men in many traditionally male dominated fields.

3. Cultural Marxism … that seeks to take power out of the hands of the powerful … has been berating ‘the Patriarchy’ for years now.  Men are seen as the enemy by many.

4. The transgender debate is now making us question if there even IS such a thing called a man.

5. Certain pockets of feminism have made it ‘cool’ to badmouth men.

6. Most TV shows and books only provide POOR male role models these days.  Take Homer Simpson for example.

7. Add to this the many mixed messages about masculinity we get from the media and on-line.

What this has left us with … is 2 entire generations who aren’t sure what it means to be a man anymore.  My hope for today … is that we can speak into this crisis … and bring some ancient wisdom … Biblical wisdom … on what it MEANS to be a man.  Now this is a topical sermon … which means 2 things here at Earlwood Anglican.  Number 1 … I won’t be systematically working my way through our Bible passages today.  They’re simply to get us thinking theologically.  And number 2 … instead of a reflection time today … I’m going to open it up for questions.  So if there’s anything I don’t cover … or don’t explain well enough … you’ll have a chance to ask me at the end.

But I’ve got 3 points today … to help us see what it means to be a man.  We’re going to start by looking at what I think is the MAIN cause of this current crisis … which is the many unhelpful and confusing voices out there.  And I’ve titled this (i) What men are currently hearing.  We’ll then look at the Bible’s wisdom on what a man should be like … which I’ve titled (ii) What men need to hear.  We’ll then wrap it up with our application … which is (iii) What men need to do.

Now … if you are NOT a Gen Y or Gen Z man … that is not your cue to switch off.  The reason we have a crisis of manhood today is because SOCIETY is sending unhelpful messages.  So we want EVERYONE to have a better understanding of what it means to be a man.  Yet having said that … our MAIN goal for today is to show boys how to become men.  There is nothing attractive or honourable about a man-child … who sits in his mother’s basement all day playing video games.  This is why most cultures throughout history have had initiation rights … where teenage boys officially become men.  SADLY … our culture seems to have postponed manhood until the late-20s – early-30s.  So I pray you can all stick with me … as we see what it means for boys to step up … and start being man.

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What men are currently hearing

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And I want to begin by looking at some of the voices that are bombarding men today.  Now I can’t cover EVERY voice out there in under 10 minutes.  So I want to give you what I see are the 2 extremes.  But just so you know this is not just ME … much of this comes from a recent book by Al Stewart … an Anglican minister here in Sydney … called ‘The Manual: Getting masculinity right’.

And on the one extreme we have what can only be described as a very anti-masculinity agenda.  Now while I think feminism is a GOOD thing … advocating for the equality of women is a GOOD thing … there are certain pockets of feminism today who think the only way to promote women is by dragging men down.  And there are 3 main ways in which these certain pockets of feminism drag men down today:

The first is to talk about ‘toxic masculinity’ SO MUCH … that many are led to believe ALL masculinity is toxic nowadays.  Now I’m not denying there is such a thing as toxic masculinity.  That’s actually the other extreme … that I’ll get to in a second.  But when men are bombarded with all this talk of toxic masculinity … it can lead them to think THEY’RE toxic … just because they’re male.

The second way men are dragged down is by bad-mouthing ‘the Patriarchy’.  Now patriarchy simply means ‘a system of society or government where the eldest male … such as the father … is in charge.’  A matriarchy is where the eldest female is in charge.  Now it is true that men have traditionally held the majority of high-powered positions in government and business.  Yet instead of thinking of the Patriarchy as men serving in difficult and high stress positions … for the betterment of society … ‘The Patriarchy’ is now seen as an all-round negative thing.  So for example … author and professor Robert Jensen says ‘the patriarchy is a system that delivers material benefits to men […] but constrains all women’.  And because a system that constrains all women is bad … therefore ‘the patriarchy’ is bad.

The third thing that drags men down is the idea that masculinity needs to be feminised.  Journalist Nikki Gemmell says THIS in her article titled ‘Beta men are better’; ‘feminine men, in my experience, are more confident and therefore comfortable with their sexuality.  Give me a man who is comfortable enough to wear nail polish, […] give me a playful man who never entirely grows up [and …] who is comfortable enough to farewell his mates with ‘love you’ and call them darling.  It feels tender and gorgeous and confident’.  In the Barbie Movie … the ONLY man in the whole movie who was even remotely redeemable was the gender-neutral Allan … because gender-neutral men are considered safer than masculine men nowadays.

And when men are bombarded by these very negative messages … they’re left feeling they are what’s WRONG with society … simply for being born male.  And what that does is … it takes away the incentive for boys to become men.  WHY would you want to become the very thing that society says is to blame for most of society’s problems?

But there’s a SECOND problem with this messaging.  People don’t like being told they’re the problem … simply for how they were born.  At some point … people will push back.  And this has led to the other extreme of messaging young men are being fed today.  There is a growing number of on-line influencers … who are reacting to the feminisation of young men … by calling men to become ultra-masculine.  And the way you do that … according to this reactionary narrative … is by (i) bulking up at the gym, (ii) making millions of dollars, and (iii) treating women as sex objects.

Now the BIGGEST voice among these influencers is a guy by the name of Andrew Tate.  If you’re over the age of 40 … you may not have heard of him … but most boys between the ages of 10 and 30 have.  He has millions of followers … mostly young men.  I watched an interview of him from last year … with a guy called Patrick Bet David … who is usually excellent.  And at the end of the interview Patrick Bet David asked Tate ‘what advice would you give young men?’  His answer was ‘sleep with a dozen women … so you can learn about women … BEFORE marrying the right one’.  Then he was at it again LAST month … when he said men should be fathering dozens of children with multiple women.  That’s ‘real manhood’ according to Tate.

Now I pray most men are smart enough to realise Tate and the like are completely stripping women of their humanity … by reducing them down to either (i) a baby factory, or (ii) an object to be used for men’s sexual or educational gratification.  THAT is toxic masculinity.  Yet THESE are the voices young men are being bombarded with today.  Is it any wonder Gen Y and Gen Z are having a tough time figuring out what it means to be a man.

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When men need to hear

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So … that’s how NOT to be a man.  They are the UNHELPFUL voices.  So what SHOULD masculinity look like?  Well again … we can’t cover EVERYTHING in under 10 minutes.  So let me give you what I think are the Bible’s Top 3 lessons on what separates the men from the boys.  OK … so if you’re a male who is 18 or older … and you don’t want to be a shameful little man-child … whose mummy is still tucking you into your Star Wars sheets at night … then here are the Top 3 things you need to do:

Number 1: Step up and take responsibility of your life.  OK … God put Adam in the Garden NOT to sit around and have his mummy take care of him … even though he didn’t have a mum.  He put Adam in the Garden to WORK it and take care of it.  He was to put food on the table.  Adam’s punishment in Genesis 3 was NOT hard work.  He had to work hard in the Garden.  Adam’s punishment was for his work to become ‘painful toil’.  But our job as men from the very beginning … is to work hard … and take care of ourselves and our families.

Now … that will look different in different cultures.  So in an agrarian society … a subsistence society … that means learning how to be a good farmer … so you can grow your own food.  But in our Western culture … that means:

1. Getting a good education.  Sorry kids … but you NEED a good education to survive in our society.

2. It means get yourself qualified in a particular field.  I don’t care if it’s Uni, Tafe or on the job training … but get yourself trained up in something useful.  And gender studies is not useful.

3. And THIRD … get a job.  Pay your own way in life.  And the sooner you do that … the better.  When I was 20 … I moved to Melbourne for 6 months as part of my Engineering degree.  When I was there I had major car troubles.  So I asked mum to help me out.  She said ‘sorry honey … you’re on your own with this one’.  Best thing she could have done … because I had to take responsibility for myself.  And that’s Number 1 in being a man.

Number 2 … is learn some self-control.  In Titus chapter 2 … Paul gives a list of instructions to men and women.  He says:

• Older men … be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, sound in faith and love and endurance.

• Older women … be reverent, not slanderous, not addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.

• Younger women … love your husbands and your children, be self-controlled, pure, busy at home, kind and subject to your husbands.

• Younger men … be self-controlled.  That’s it.  I’ve got 1 job for you young men.  Be self-controlled.

One of the biggest issues among young men today is a lack of self-control:

• The lack self-control when it comes to alcohol.

• They lack self-control when it comes to high-risk behaviour.

• They lack self-control when it comes to porn.

• They lack self-control when it comes to how many hours they spend gaming … or watching YouTube.

• And they lack self-control when it comes to the opposite sex.

Women are not objects to be used for your sexual gratification.  They are image bearers of God … who are to be treated with gentleness and respect.  Show self-control when it comes to sex.

The THIRD thing men need to hear today … is to sacrificially love and care for those around you.  Now male headship is ‘on the nose’ in our society today.  But that’s only because too many husbands are not ‘manning up’ when it comes to this aspect of being a man.  Let me tell you … it is very hard submitting to a man … who uses his position of power to love and care for himself.  But it is super easy to submit to a REAL man.  So let me read to you what a REAL man looks like:

Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Jesus sacrificed EVERYTHING for his people.  And if you think I’m just talking about his life … then you haven’t been at this church long enough.  Jesus’ physical death is just the tip of the iceberg of what happened on that very first Good Friday.  The cross is God the Father forsaking God the Son … for the first time in eternity.    It is the breaking of a perfectly loving and completely fulfilling relationship … which feeble human minds cannot even begin to understand.

And that’s what real men are called to do; to sacrificially love and care for those around you … especially those under your headship.  And that doesn’t just mean taking a bullet … or jumping between your wife and a shark.  It means giving yourself up for others in the daily things too.  Real men sacrifice themselves for others … in everything.

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What men need to do

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So … that’s what God wants men to hear about being men.  Now that’s not ALL the Bible has to say on the subject.

• Men are to be godly.

• Men are to honour their parents.

• Men are to love and train their kids.

• Men are to be good friends.

Please don’t think being a man can be reduced down to just 3 things.  But they are what I think are the Top 3 things men need to hear today.  The FINAL thing we need to ask is … HOW is it that men can DO this?  What practical things can men do to (i) take responsibility, (ii) be self-controlled, and (iii) sacrifice for those around them?  Well let me give you 4 practical steps men can take … to be a man:

Number 1: Get off video games.  We now spend an average of 7 hours a day looking at screens.  That’s OUTSIDE of work.  44% of our waking hours are spent on screens.  3 of those hours is watching TV or movies.  An hour and a half is social media.  An hour surfing the net … and a half hour chatting to friends on-line.  An hour and a half is spent gaming … per day … whether that be Fortnight or Clash Royale.  The problem with gaming … is it’s a proxy … it’s a substitution … for taking responsibility in life.  Think about it.  The GOAL in gaming is to get to the next level … then the next level … then the next level.  And too many men today are spending all their time chasing the next level in a FAKE world … rather than chasing the next level in a real career.  Being an epic gamer is NOT a sign of real manhood.  It is more likely a sign that you’re too weak or too afraid to take responsibility in the real world.  So get off video games.

Number 2: Get off porn.  Never has it been easier for men to dive into sexual immorality than it is today.  Now the reason the Bible is SO anti-sexual immorality … is because it is a proxy … a substitute for a real relationship … with a real person.  Pornography is just like the adulterous woman of Proverbs 7 … who entices people … usually men … with cheap sex.  What I mean by cheap sex is … the dopamine hit without the work.  Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman tells us the human brain is not designed to be exposed to sexual image after sexual image.  The human brain is designed to WORK for it’s reward.  Dopamine and serotonin are chemicals that are released in the brain to make us feel good.  They are the body’s natural reward system.  They problem with hook-up culture … and prostitution … and in particular pornography … is it takes the work out of getting pleasure.  Now getting immediate dopamine hits may SOUND like fun … but what it actually does is it rewires our brains to require MORE and MORE stimuli … just to feel good.  One of the side-effects of porn … is it ends up LOWERING people’s ability not just to enjoy sex … but to enjoy life itself.  Show some self-control … and get off porn … because it is ruining you.

Number 3: Treat women with gentleness and respect (1 Pet 3:7).  Now I don’t need to tell you that the minute a man raises a hand against a woman … they cease being a man.  But men are also to treat women with gentleness verbally.  You do not yell at or berate women.  We’re also to treat women with respect sexually.  Sex before marriage is objectification.  It’s either using sex to get love … which women generally do … or using love to get sex … as men generally do.  If you want to show her love … then commit yourself before sex.  Husbands are also to treat women with respect to the marriage bed.  Your wife is not a porn star … who is there for your gratification.  Treat women with gentleness and respect.

Number 4: Be at church every Sunday.  I cannot overstate this.  If you want to be a good man … then surround yourself with good role models.  Why?  Because manhood has ALWAYS been more caught than taught.  And Western individualism means church one of the last bastions of community left.  We NEED good role models.  So step up … and care for the MEN around you by being a good role model each Sunday.  And even if you’re 16 or 17 … please know there are boys here at church who look up to you.  We need communities where men are able to see what it means to be a real man.  So join a church … and BE that good role model every Sunday.

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Conclusion

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And if you can do those things … you’re on track as a man.  You don’t need to be perfect.  There’s only ever been 1 man who got manhood perfect.  But if we’re (i) putting our ‘big boy pants’ on … and taking responsibility for our life, (ii) showing the strength to have self-control, and (iii) stepping up to sacrificially love and care for those around us … rather than impetuously demanding others serve us … then you are being a man.  While getting in touch with your feelings is a good thing … as is being fit and earning a good wage … they’re not the key to manhood.  Being a REAL man means (i) responsibility, (ii) self-control, and (iii) sacrificial service.  May that be the kind of men who fill our halls each Sunday.  Men who are following the example of the REAL man … Jesus Christ.