Introduction

 

Each week I work VERY hard to find a joke … or an interesting story to start my sermon with.  The reason being … I don’t take your attention for granted.  The number one thing that makes Earlwood Anglican a GREAT church is that you GIVE me your attention each week … because you hunger for God’s word … which is awesome.  But I don’t that for granted.  So I work HARD to start my sermons in an interesting way.  Not this week.  This week … I just need to say 1 word … sex … and I’ve got your attention … right?

Now this topic is part of our series on the 10 Commandments.  And it shouldn’t surprise us that sex made it into God’s Top 10 list.  Like imagine aliens came to this planet … and observed human life.  What would they think is important to humans?  Like imagine they observed young teenage boys hiding magazines under their mattresses … filled with photos of fast food.  Then they observed college students … putting up big posters of hamburgers and hot dogs in their rooms.  Then they noticed that the majority of on-line activity was for websites that had photo after photo … of pizza, dumplings … or donuts.  What do you think those aliens would conclude is important to such a species?  Yet it’s not fast food that gets the most traffic on-line … is it?  It’s sex.  And this is why sex is in God’s Top 10 list.

Now Commandment number 7 is … ‘thou shall not commit adultery’.  And adultery is defined as ‘sex between a married person and a person they’re not married to’.  But as we’re going to see today … the Bible’s ethic on sex forbids ANY sexual activity outside of marriage.  So we’re not just looking at adultery today.  We’re looking at the Bible’s OVERALL ethic on sex.

And SOME people think the Bible’s teaching on sex … is that sex is dirty or bad.  And that HAS been taught at times throughout church history.  Take the Roman Catholic church for example … that claims Mary remained a virgin her whole life.  This teaching comes from the belief that having sex with her husband Joseph would somehow degrade or defile the mother of Jesus.  Yet this view didn’t originate in the church.  It comes from the philosopher Plato … whose philosophy claimed that the physical realm is bad … while the spiritual realm is good.  So the GOAL of life … according to Plato … is to ESCAPE the body … and live in the spiritual realm.  And because the body is bad … then anything we do IN the body is also bad.  This is where we get the term ‘platonic relationship’ from.  A platonic relationship is a relationship without sex.  And sadly … platonic philosophy has crept into the church in places.  The OTHER extreme is what the sexual revolution has brought us … which is the idea that sex is little more than a physical activity … that can be thrown around with no real consequences.

What I want us to see today … is that the Bible rejects BOTH those views … and instead gives us the kind of wisdom on sex that can produce tremendous fruit … as well as deep healing in our lives.  And I’ve got 3 points today to help us find this tremendous fruit and deep healing.  So we’re going to begin by taking a step BACK from Commandment number 7 … and look at the Bible’s overall ethic on sex … which I’ve titled (i) How God designed sex.  We’ll then look at why God included a protection OF this ethic in his Top 10 list … which I’ve titled (ii) How sin has damaged sex.  And here’s the thing.  That’s ALL of us.  ALL humans have sinned sexually to some extent.  Now when I’ve spoken about sex in the past … some people have claimed that it felt like I was trying to SHAME people … over their sexual history.  So can I say this could not be further from my mind.  What I’m doing today is what I do EVERY week.  I present the Bible’s teaching … to encourage us to follow it … AND I present the gospel … to speak into when we don’t.  And this brings us to our THIRD point today … which is (iii) How the gospel can heal sex.  So if you find yourself feeling shame over some of what I say today … just remember the gospel can heal that shame.  We’ll have another question time today.  But let’s dive in and look at sex.

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How God designed sex (Prov 5:15-23)

 

And I want to begin by looking at the Bible’s overall ethic on sex.  And the reason I want to do this is because the 10 Commandments are generally given in negative forms … aren’t they.

• Do NOT worship other gods

• Do NOT make graven images

• Do NOT work on the Sabbath

• Do NOT steal, covet, etc, etc.

But when we trace out the teaching of the Bible on each of the 10 Commandments … we find that each of these prohibitions are there to protect something positive.  Ok:

• The reason we’re not to use the Lord’s name in vain … is because the meaning of life … is to GLORIFY God … to LIFT UP God’s name

• The reason we’re not to murder … is because a society in which everyone lifts everyone else UP … is bliss.

And when we trace out the Bible’s teaching on sex … we find that the Bible is very positive about sex.  Like IF we could re-word Commandment 7 in a positive way … it would read something like ‘thou shall have good sex’.  And there are at least 3 things that make good sex … according to the Bible.  And the FIRST is … if it is reserved for marriage.  So take Proverbs 5 for example … on page 991.  It begins this way:

Proverbs 5:15-16 (NIV) Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. 16 Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares?

Now in a culture of running water … like ours … the only ‘cisterns’ we have today are on our toilets … right?  So you MIGHT be mistaken into thinking the author is saying ‘drink TOILET water’?  But a cistern is ANY tank for storing water.  And the author is using it metaphorically here to describe sex.  And what he’s saying is … don’t go roaming the streets for sex.  Rather … look to your spouse for that.

1 Corinthians says the same thing.  Now we’ll TURN there in a second … but stay in Proverbs 5 for now.  Let me read 1 verse from Corinthians.  In 1 Cor 6 Paul says ‘DON’T have sex with a prostitute’.  Then he says in: 

1 Corinthians 7:2 (NIV) But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.

So according to the Bible … marriage is the proper place for sexual expression.

The SECOND thing the Bible says about sex … is it’s not just PERMITTED in marriage … it’s commanded.  And again … BOTH passages draw this out.  Now in Prov 5 … this is obscured a bit in the NIV … because the NIV says ‘may’ in v. 18-19.  But the Hebrew word is stronger than this.  So let me read to you the ESV … and compare what I read out with what you have in front of you in the NIV.

Proverbs 5:18-19 (ESV) Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, 19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

Now FIRSTLY … there’s no hint of Platonism here … is there?  The Bible is not prudish when it comes to sex … talking about enjoying breasts and the like.  But my POINT is … the author is commanding the reader to be ravished by his wife’s breasts.  He’s COMMANDING sex … within marriage.  The Apostle Paul says the same thing in 1 Corinthians.  Again … let me just read 2 verses:

1 Corinthians 7:3 (NIV) The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.

Then v. 5:

1 Corinthians 7:5 (NIV) Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time

So the Bible’s ethic on sex is NOT that sex is dirty or bad.  It is that sex SHOULD be enjoyed … within marriage.  This brings us to the THIRD thing … which is sex is designed to be a blessing.

Proverbs 5:18 (NIV) May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

So the way sex is a blessing … is that it allows 1 person to say to another ‘I belong wholistically … exclusively and permanently to you’.  OK … sex is designed to help build a life-long enjoyable relationship … where you’re still rejoicing in each other in old age.

And the fascinating thing is … modern science supports this.  There have been certain breakthroughs in brain research in recent decades … that support what the Bible has been teaching for millennia.  OK … scientists have shown that sexual activity releases certain endorphins in the brain … TWO of those being oxytocin and serotonin.  And these 2 endorphins are specifically designed for pair bonding.  They are designed to SOFTEN you towards the person you’re with … so as to build trust … safety … and love.  Those same 2 endorphins are released in a mother and baby during breastfeeding.  They build safety and love.

And this is how sex is a blessing.  Because if you enjoy a healthy sex life … then your relationship should deepen across the years of your marriage.  A healthy sex life is designed to CONTINUE to soften you towards your spouse … so as to develop even greater trust … and even deeper love.

So according to the Bible … supported by modern science … God designed sex to help build a strong … loving … exclusive and permanent bond with another person.  Now let me say that again … because the rest of what I’m about to say rests on this definition.  God designed sex … to help build a strong, loving, exclusive and permanent bond with another person.

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How sin has damaged sex (1 Cor 6:12-7:5)

 

And when we understand this … it helps us better understand Commandment number 7.  For sin has damaged sex.  And the MAIN way sin has damaged sex is by removing its exclusivity and permanency.  Paul sums it up well in our 1 Corinthians passage … if you’d like to turn to it now … page 1775.

1 Corinthians 6:16 (NIV) Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”

What both the Bible AND modern science tell us … is becoming ‘one flesh’ is not just a physical thing.  There is something deeply relational … emotional about sex.  Sex is a commitment apparatus … in which a person says ‘I belong wholistically … exclusively and permanently to YOU’.  Now what do you think happens … when a person has sex OUTSIDE of the exclusive and permanent bonds of marriage?  In a nutshell … you’re fighting against the very thing sex was designed to do.  If sex is designed to build a strong, loving, exclusive and permanent bond … then every time you have sex outside of marriage … sex is a lie.

So to begin with … you’re lying to the person you’re with.  You’re producing pair bonding endorphins in their brain … aimed at you.  So even if you tell them VERBALLY ‘I’m not looking for commitment … I’m just after sex’ … the ACT of sex still says ‘I belong wholistically … exclusively and permanently to you’.  Yet that’s a lie … if done outside of marriage.  Like can you imagine GOD running his relationship with US that way.  Imagine God saying ‘I don’t care who you worship.  You can worship whatever god or gods you want.  And I’ll be happy to pour all my love and grace onto you whenever you ask’.  There’s just something wrong with that … is there not?  In the same way … there’s something wrong with asking another to be PHYSICALLY and EMOTIONALLY close and vulnerable with us … but we’re not going to commit to them.

Yet you’re not just lying to THEM … you’re lying to yourself.  You see every time you have sex with someone voluntarily … your brain is screaming ‘I need to commit myself wholistically … exclusively and permanently to this person’.  That’s what those endorphins are designed to do.  But if you haven’t made a commitment to that person … then those endorphins are telling a lie.  And what do you think happens … when your brain cries wolf like that … too many times?  Another thing modern science has taught us is that our brains can be re-wired in very unhealthy ways.  Think of it like an old horse and cart.  Like if you rode your horse and cart every day … from your house to the front of your property … the wheels of that cart would start to dig out a track … would they not?  And as those tracks got deeper and deeper … the wheels on the cart have no choice but to follow those tracks.

In the same way … if you lie to yourself by having sex outside of marriage … you WON’T know what sex means anymore.  You’ll have dug deep tracks in your brain … that has taught you NOT to soften yourself towards the other person … NOT to build a deeper trust towards the other person … and NOT fall deeper in love with the other person.  You’ll have taught your brain to IGNORE those endorphins that are specifically designed to build a wholistic … exclusive and permanent bond with the other person.  And that is a death knell to marriage.  Because let me tell you … when you’re trying to navigate the stresses of marriage … whether it be in-laws, finances, career setbacks, kids or cancer … you NEED ever increasing feelings of softening and trust and love.  This is why Paul says:

1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV) Flee from sexual immorality.

Now sexual immorality includes adultery of course.  But it also covers ANYTHING sexual outside of a marriage commitment.  That includes sex before marriage, pornography … and even sexual fantasies.  All these things dig tracks in our brain … that teach us to IGNORE the feelings of softness, trust and love that oxytocin and serotonin are designed by God to produce in good sex.

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How the gospel can heal sex

 

The BAD news is … we’re ALL broken to some extent in this way.  Now SOME of us … have only ridden that cart to and frow a few times.  But OTHERS have been struggling with porn addiction for years … or perhaps slept around before marriage.  The bad news is … the deeper the tracks … the harder it is to heal.  The GOOD news is … it IS possible to heal.  The author of Proverbs gives us a hint at this:

Proverbs 5:20 (NIV) Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?

The fact that he asks ‘why’ means it doesn’t have to be that way.  We can re-route the tracks of our brains to freedom … rather than bondage.  Again … neurologists have shown that WHEN a porn addict stops looking at porn … their brain chemistry returns to a healthier state.  So it CAN be done.  The question is how?  The answer is … the gospel can heal sex.  In Titus chapter 2 … the Apostle Paul makes this incredible statement about the gospel of grace.

Titus 2:11 (NIV) For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions,

What Paul is saying is … IF you’ve dug for yourself some deep tracks of bondage in your brain … due to mistreating sex … will power will NOT pull your wagon wheels OUT of those tracks.  Boundaries and accountability will not pull your wagon wheels out of those tracks.  Saying to yourself things like (i) but I’ll feel bad in the morning, or (ii) what if people find out, or (iii) this goes against my principles … will not pull your wagon wheels out of those tracks.  But the grace of God can.  And it does so … by showing us where REAL satisfaction is found.

You see the word ‘blessing’ in the Bible refers to a deep satisfaction.  And that deep satisfaction is NOT just physical; it’s spiritual.  When Jesus says ‘blessed are the poor in spirit’ … he’s not talking about physical blessing.  It is a spiritual blessedness.  What this means is … and if you only take 1 thing away today … this is what I want you to take away.  What this means is … the physical act of sex … if done according to God’s design … is pointing to something beyond just the physical act.  OK the PHYSICAL act says (i) I’m being completely vulnerable with you … completely naked with you, but also (ii) completely safe.  I trust you to be careful with me.  What the Bible says … is THAT act … is pointing to something beyond itself.  It’s pointing to the day when you and I will see Jesus face-to-face.  And ON that day … we won’t just be physically naked and vulnerable.  Jesus will see right into our very soul.  Yet even though he will see ALL the sin and disfunction WITHIN our soul … he will embrace us.

Friends the REASON we mess up with sex … is we THINK sex is the ultimate prize … when it’s only the signpost.  It’s like a person coming to a signpost that says ‘this way to glory’ … then camping out under that signpost … thinking ‘I’ve made it’.  Now men and women camp out under the signpost of sex differently.  Have you heard the phrase ‘Men use love to GET sex … while women use sex to get love’.  What it means is men tend to think ‘if this woman will have sex with me … then I must be worth it … so I’ll PRETEND it’s love to GET that feeling of acceptance’.  Women tend to think ‘if I have sex with this man … then he’ll SEE that I’m worth it … so I’ll give him sex to get that feeling of acceptance’.  Each is using sex to feel accepted.  The problem is … sex can never fill that void.  Only the real glory can.

Some of us are still chasing acceptance through sex.  That could be through sex before marriage … through porn … or even through our spouse.  Others may have grown to HATE sex … because it hasn’t brought the acceptance you want.  Wherever you sit … single or married … deep trenches or shallow trenches … the gospel can pull your wagon wheels OUT of the trench of bondage … and put you on the track to freedom.

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Conclusion

 

Let me close by illustrating how.  The very first episode of The Chosen introduces us to Mary Magdalene … the prostitute.  Now because it’s a TV show … there’s a fair bit of artistic licence.  And in the show … Mary’s life of sexual sin … coupled with demonic oppression … brings her to rock bottom.  The last scene is her about to drown her sorrows in alcohol … when we’re introduced to Jesus for the first time.  And he says to Mary ‘this is not for you’.  She says ‘leave me alone’ … and walks away.  Jesus chases after her and quotes a Bible verse that Mary’s father used to recite to her when she was a child.  And that quote is:

Isaiah 43:1 (NIV) But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

Friends … even if we’ve totally blown it sexually … and are completely naked before the Lord … do not fear.  For the reason he chose to redeem you … at infinite personal cost … is because he delights in you.  So may we stop looking for acceptance in the wrong places.  Sexual immorality leads only to bondage and pain.  May we rather look for acceptance in the only place that can truly satisfy.

Isaiah 43:1 (NIV) [For] this is what the Lord says— he who created you, […] who formed you: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.